I've paid my dues, but committed no crime

This past two weeks have probably been the hardest weeks of my life, school wise. Learning I might have two B's this semester, and a borderline third B definitely shocked my world. The disappointment of getting kicked out of the honors college will be unbearable, to know I wasn't able to survive one semester with just straight A's, that I just never seem to try hard even enough its humiliating for me.
Although yes, I could easily transfer to FIU, or FSU, I like it here. I would totally change a few things, but the honors college gives me structure. Sure it gives me 2 hours of sleep, stress and complete unsteadiness, it gives me a goal. My short term goal is to not get kicked out. I am determined to get an A on these weeks finals, which when I manage to do I will god willing have straight A's. The uncertainness scares me, but I'm praying I will keep a 4.0, or  even if it falls below that, it will be enough to keep me in the honors college.
I've met wonderful people here, I've actually made close friends, people I stay up with for hours studying for math or for chem. I enjoy all of my teachers, for each one feeds my mind with something new or peculiar.
Last week I almost just gave up, just decided to stop trying, and accept that I am out. But I've turned over a new leaf, I REFUSE to get kicked out. I WILL stay, and I WILL make it. I CAN do this.

Final Blog Entry on Chekhov

"When they got out of the carriage at Oreanda they sat down on a bench not far from the church, and looked down at the sea, without talking.  Yalta could be dimly discerned through the morning mist, and white clouds rested motionless on the summits of the mountains.  Not a leaf stirred, the grasshoppers chirruped, and the monotonous hollow roar of the sea came up to them, speaking of peace, of the eternal sleep lying in wait for us all.  The sea had roared like this long before there was any Yalta or Oreanda, it was roaring now, and it would go on roaring, just as indifferently and hollowly, when we had passed away.  And it may be that in this continuity, this utter indifference of life and death,  lies the secret of our salvation, of the stream of life on our planet, and of its never-ceasing movement toward perfection"

    The short story, lady with a pet dog, is of a passionate, but forbidden love affair. The narrator, Dmitri, meets a young lady in the vacational town of Yalta.Both married, they begin an affair founded on on past disappointments and future hopes, as well as on present desires.

     As the get out of the carriage, the sit in  complete silence, which relates to their relationship. Anna and Gurov are both searching for peace, peace within themselves and their actions.Its almost as if they stepped out of their lives and are observing how monotone and boring it was without that moment.As the sea begins to roar, both Anna and Gurov find salvation or meaning that change their lives. They find excitement and a break from routine as they fall in love with each other. Gurov even reevaluates his personal understanding of their world. 

    The narrator addresses the reader by using the words “us” and “our” in this part of the story because he wants to grasp our attention and wants us to know that what he is referring is true for all of us. We are bound to reach the point where death takes over our lives, but he is hopeful that through moments we can reach salvation. Moments of love that have excited before us, and will continue past us give the reader a sense of hope, but also one that "life goes on" 

   Checkhov paints a beautiful picture with his depiction of nature."He morning mist, and white clouds rested motionless on the summits of the mountains.  Not a leaf stirred, the grasshoppers chirruped, and the monotonous hollow roar of the sea came up to them," This provides a sense of calmness, a sense of peace which evokes the love between Anna and Gurov. The natural changes around us, reflect the changes within our selves, we also transform as the beauty around us does too. I believe Checkhov to want us to connect with nature, to find our own characters within it and find peace within it. 

i saw your cry, dying to get high, two of a kind.

Having quite a stressful day, with loads on my plate,I received extremely good news, news that left me in tears. Thanks to RHCP.COM i learned that my favorite band will be performing, Jan 20th eight days before my birthday at the bank atlantic center.

thank you for making my day guys =) 

i love you 

Discuss both the positive and negative effects on the reader of Hemingways, terse, laconic style of writing

      Ernest Hemingway has become a master, a classic and an inspiration of a writer. Throughout his short stories and novels, he demonstrates a terse, laconic style of writing. I find his way of writing quite beautiful. Like most fans of his writing, I appreciate the tone of simplicity, the easiness his words provide. I believe Hemingway wrote for the reader, he wrote for anyone to be able to understand, but for the reader to find meaning. He often left his themes up to the reader's interpretation. How much could a person read into his stories? His mode of writing is always intriguing, according to a biographer , Hemingway learned to "How to tell nothing but the truth in a way that allowed for telling more than the truth."
     However, leaving things to interpretation might be seen for a negative side to some readers. Hemingway's "ice berg" effect leaves readers unsure of what his purpose was. For example in "The Hills look like white elephants", I didn't conclude the lady was pregnant and debating an abortion. This " reading between the lines" required more research, which might take away from the beauty of his short stories. Leaving things off to individual conclusion can take away from the stories essence and meaning, since one doesn't fully absorb the purpose of some of his works. 

But Mysery hides aloof....

As I quote Herman Melville, I can't help to identity our modern society, our way of avoiding darkness, of staying close to the light, to the beautiful. “Ah, happiness courts the light, so we deem the world is gay; but misery hides aloof, so we deem that misery there is none.”

Every single person in the world  wishes to have never seen conflict, misery and sadness, for the world to be surrounded by happiness, by an everlasting feeling of joy and a light emitting from every corner of this universe. However, this isn't reality, as bad as we wish to close our eyes and imaging a blinding light, we can't. Misery is all around us, but misery is dark, its instinct to run away from, to hide. We tend to ignore pressing issues because they interfere with our quest for happiness. 

For example, we know there are starving children all over the world, perhaps in your neighborhood, but it is much easier to just throw away that bit of food you just didn't like. We are aware our part of the world leaves way beyond our means, and beyond whats necessary, while many others are homeless and abandoned.Why not just ignore the people in need of a kind word, in need of love? This is our society's mentality, and I believe is what I see in Bartleby. The lawyer is aware that he has been abandoned, abandoned by society and by the world. Just like we choose to hide  problems, to hide cruel facts. If it interferes with out light, we rather just close our eyes. 

stop this train

And for some reason I am extremely confused. People all around me are making goals, finding what they're good at, what they want to explore. Each and everyday I fall more into nothingness, I don't feel great at anything, I almost feel like I'm getting worse at everything as time progresses. By now, I imagined myself with an idea, least one direction I would like my life to go in, but I don't.

No I'm not color blind,I know the world is black and white.Try to keep an open mind but.I just can't sleep on this tonight.Stop this train I want to get off and go home again,I can't take the speed it's moving in. I know I can't,But honestly won't someone stop this train

Don't know how else to say it, don't want to see my parents go.One generation's length away,from fighting life out on my own.

Stop this train,I want to get off and go home again.I can't take the speed it's moving inI know I can't but honestly won't someone stop this train.

In “Bartleby,” Melville writes, “I procured a high green folding screen, which might entirely isolate Bartleby from my sight, though not remove him from my voice. And this, in a manner, privacy and society were conjoined.”

  Privacy, a privilege or a right? I would like to believe we have the right to privacy. The right to choose what to keep to ourselves and what to share with the world. However, each day I start to think we have less and less privacy, the government knows more about us, and a person across the world had a technology to hack into our lives. 

 In “Bartleby,” Melville writes, “I procured a high green folding screen, which might entirely isolate Bartleby from my sight, though not remove him from my voice. And this, in a manner, privacy and society were conjoined.”I don't believe these two were meant to be conjoined, for as human beings we tend to shelter in privacy, find it comforting to keep secrets and keep to ourselves. In today's society however, these two are more and more conjoined. With the advancement of technology more and more ways to "share" things with the world exist. Society can be googled now, whats happening all across the world can be at your fingertips. The "voice" in todays society is the internet, as I pretty sure u can find anything and everything within it. Our green folding screen is our misperception that we are indeed private, but I this screen is getting smaller and smaller everyday.