I've paid my dues, but committed no crime

This past two weeks have probably been the hardest weeks of my life, school wise. Learning I might have two B's this semester, and a borderline third B definitely shocked my world. The disappointment of getting kicked out of the honors college will be unbearable, to know I wasn't able to survive one semester with just straight A's, that I just never seem to try hard even enough its humiliating for me.
Although yes, I could easily transfer to FIU, or FSU, I like it here. I would totally change a few things, but the honors college gives me structure. Sure it gives me 2 hours of sleep, stress and complete unsteadiness, it gives me a goal. My short term goal is to not get kicked out. I am determined to get an A on these weeks finals, which when I manage to do I will god willing have straight A's. The uncertainness scares me, but I'm praying I will keep a 4.0, or  even if it falls below that, it will be enough to keep me in the honors college.
I've met wonderful people here, I've actually made close friends, people I stay up with for hours studying for math or for chem. I enjoy all of my teachers, for each one feeds my mind with something new or peculiar.
Last week I almost just gave up, just decided to stop trying, and accept that I am out. But I've turned over a new leaf, I REFUSE to get kicked out. I WILL stay, and I WILL make it. I CAN do this.

Final Blog Entry on Chekhov

"When they got out of the carriage at Oreanda they sat down on a bench not far from the church, and looked down at the sea, without talking.  Yalta could be dimly discerned through the morning mist, and white clouds rested motionless on the summits of the mountains.  Not a leaf stirred, the grasshoppers chirruped, and the monotonous hollow roar of the sea came up to them, speaking of peace, of the eternal sleep lying in wait for us all.  The sea had roared like this long before there was any Yalta or Oreanda, it was roaring now, and it would go on roaring, just as indifferently and hollowly, when we had passed away.  And it may be that in this continuity, this utter indifference of life and death,  lies the secret of our salvation, of the stream of life on our planet, and of its never-ceasing movement toward perfection"

    The short story, lady with a pet dog, is of a passionate, but forbidden love affair. The narrator, Dmitri, meets a young lady in the vacational town of Yalta.Both married, they begin an affair founded on on past disappointments and future hopes, as well as on present desires.

     As the get out of the carriage, the sit in  complete silence, which relates to their relationship. Anna and Gurov are both searching for peace, peace within themselves and their actions.Its almost as if they stepped out of their lives and are observing how monotone and boring it was without that moment.As the sea begins to roar, both Anna and Gurov find salvation or meaning that change their lives. They find excitement and a break from routine as they fall in love with each other. Gurov even reevaluates his personal understanding of their world. 

    The narrator addresses the reader by using the words “us” and “our” in this part of the story because he wants to grasp our attention and wants us to know that what he is referring is true for all of us. We are bound to reach the point where death takes over our lives, but he is hopeful that through moments we can reach salvation. Moments of love that have excited before us, and will continue past us give the reader a sense of hope, but also one that "life goes on" 

   Checkhov paints a beautiful picture with his depiction of nature."He morning mist, and white clouds rested motionless on the summits of the mountains.  Not a leaf stirred, the grasshoppers chirruped, and the monotonous hollow roar of the sea came up to them," This provides a sense of calmness, a sense of peace which evokes the love between Anna and Gurov. The natural changes around us, reflect the changes within our selves, we also transform as the beauty around us does too. I believe Checkhov to want us to connect with nature, to find our own characters within it and find peace within it. 

i saw your cry, dying to get high, two of a kind.

Having quite a stressful day, with loads on my plate,I received extremely good news, news that left me in tears. Thanks to RHCP.COM i learned that my favorite band will be performing, Jan 20th eight days before my birthday at the bank atlantic center.

thank you for making my day guys =) 

i love you 

Discuss both the positive and negative effects on the reader of Hemingways, terse, laconic style of writing

      Ernest Hemingway has become a master, a classic and an inspiration of a writer. Throughout his short stories and novels, he demonstrates a terse, laconic style of writing. I find his way of writing quite beautiful. Like most fans of his writing, I appreciate the tone of simplicity, the easiness his words provide. I believe Hemingway wrote for the reader, he wrote for anyone to be able to understand, but for the reader to find meaning. He often left his themes up to the reader's interpretation. How much could a person read into his stories? His mode of writing is always intriguing, according to a biographer , Hemingway learned to "How to tell nothing but the truth in a way that allowed for telling more than the truth."
     However, leaving things to interpretation might be seen for a negative side to some readers. Hemingway's "ice berg" effect leaves readers unsure of what his purpose was. For example in "The Hills look like white elephants", I didn't conclude the lady was pregnant and debating an abortion. This " reading between the lines" required more research, which might take away from the beauty of his short stories. Leaving things off to individual conclusion can take away from the stories essence and meaning, since one doesn't fully absorb the purpose of some of his works. 

But Mysery hides aloof....

As I quote Herman Melville, I can't help to identity our modern society, our way of avoiding darkness, of staying close to the light, to the beautiful. “Ah, happiness courts the light, so we deem the world is gay; but misery hides aloof, so we deem that misery there is none.”

Every single person in the world  wishes to have never seen conflict, misery and sadness, for the world to be surrounded by happiness, by an everlasting feeling of joy and a light emitting from every corner of this universe. However, this isn't reality, as bad as we wish to close our eyes and imaging a blinding light, we can't. Misery is all around us, but misery is dark, its instinct to run away from, to hide. We tend to ignore pressing issues because they interfere with our quest for happiness. 

For example, we know there are starving children all over the world, perhaps in your neighborhood, but it is much easier to just throw away that bit of food you just didn't like. We are aware our part of the world leaves way beyond our means, and beyond whats necessary, while many others are homeless and abandoned.Why not just ignore the people in need of a kind word, in need of love? This is our society's mentality, and I believe is what I see in Bartleby. The lawyer is aware that he has been abandoned, abandoned by society and by the world. Just like we choose to hide  problems, to hide cruel facts. If it interferes with out light, we rather just close our eyes. 

stop this train

And for some reason I am extremely confused. People all around me are making goals, finding what they're good at, what they want to explore. Each and everyday I fall more into nothingness, I don't feel great at anything, I almost feel like I'm getting worse at everything as time progresses. By now, I imagined myself with an idea, least one direction I would like my life to go in, but I don't.

No I'm not color blind,I know the world is black and white.Try to keep an open mind but.I just can't sleep on this tonight.Stop this train I want to get off and go home again,I can't take the speed it's moving in. I know I can't,But honestly won't someone stop this train

Don't know how else to say it, don't want to see my parents go.One generation's length away,from fighting life out on my own.

Stop this train,I want to get off and go home again.I can't take the speed it's moving inI know I can't but honestly won't someone stop this train.

In “Bartleby,” Melville writes, “I procured a high green folding screen, which might entirely isolate Bartleby from my sight, though not remove him from my voice. And this, in a manner, privacy and society were conjoined.”

  Privacy, a privilege or a right? I would like to believe we have the right to privacy. The right to choose what to keep to ourselves and what to share with the world. However, each day I start to think we have less and less privacy, the government knows more about us, and a person across the world had a technology to hack into our lives. 

 In “Bartleby,” Melville writes, “I procured a high green folding screen, which might entirely isolate Bartleby from my sight, though not remove him from my voice. And this, in a manner, privacy and society were conjoined.”I don't believe these two were meant to be conjoined, for as human beings we tend to shelter in privacy, find it comforting to keep secrets and keep to ourselves. In today's society however, these two are more and more conjoined. With the advancement of technology more and more ways to "share" things with the world exist. Society can be googled now, whats happening all across the world can be at your fingertips. The "voice" in todays society is the internet, as I pretty sure u can find anything and everything within it. Our green folding screen is our misperception that we are indeed private, but I this screen is getting smaller and smaller everyday. 

What was your initial impression of the narrator? Does it change by the end,why?How? If not how is his personality consistent?

       The narrator of the story, immediately comes off as someone "safe" since he does state it himself,  "I am one of those unambitious lawyers who never addresses a jury, or in any way draws down public applause; but in the cool tranquillity of a snug retreat, do a snug business among rich men’s bonds and mortgages and title-deeds. All who know me consider me an eminently safe man."  He allowed his employees to have their own maximum performance times, as Turkey is loud and "blots" in the afternoon and Nippers is irritable in the morning.Personally, I would call him a pushover, one whom tries to avoid conflict and rather comply with others than demand respect. 
      When he first hires Bartleby he doesn't seem to require any background checks or even much of anything.Bartleby then refuses to checks the copies with the lawyer, and replies that he just "prefers" not to. The narrator is surprisingly accepting of this response, perhaps due to shock of hearing an employee say no, he just doesn't know how to deal with it, and chooses not to. 
       As the story progresses, Bartleby continues to "prefer" not to and eventually stops doing work all together. Throughout the story, the narrator allowed this refusal to become routine,intrigued by Bartleby but not demanding the respect and duties from an employee.Eventually Bartleby becomes to much to deal with since he refuses to do anything, even to move. He demands Bartleby to leave the office, offering him money and help. Bartleby continues to live in the Wall Street and office and the narrator, no longer wanting to deal with him moves offices. I found this act quite comical, how his former employee drove him out of his office, without having to do much. 
     Even after he changes workspace, Bartebly continues to be his responsibility, and the lawyer offers him help once again. Refusing, he is sent to jail were the narrator attempts to care for him.Finding out Bartebly might have worked for a dead letters office leaves the lawyer wonder if it was the depressing job that led Bartebly to death. 
 My initial impression did not change throughout the story. I think Melville keeps the narrator personality constant, he is a safe man, a man that avoids conflict, a man who wondered about his peculiar employee and left wondering what made him that way. 

It all takes some times, little girl you're in the middle of the ride

Reading and writing about Araby made me think of this song. If the narrator and I have something in common it would be the theme of this song.

"Hey, don't write yourself off yet

It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down onJust try your best, try everything you canAnd don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're awayIt just takes some timeLittle girl you're in the middle of the rideEverything, everything will be just fineEverything, everything will be alright, alright"

"Gazing up into the darkness I saw myself as a creature driven and derided by vanity; and my eyes burned with anguish and anger"

Pick a line in Araby and explains what it evokes to you

"Gazing up into the darkness I saw myself as a creature driven and derided by vanity; and my eyes burned with anguish and anger".

These are the final words from James Joyce, Araby. For me, these words are the most impacting in the story. The story climaxes when the boy talks to his neighbor , and as I was reading it, I was anticipating something to happen at Araby, for him to meet someone else, or see the girl there with someone else. But Araby wasn't a love story, it was a story of growing up, of disappointments and the let downs life brings. As I read the story, these words surprised me. Joyce gives us insight on all the emotions running through the boy's mind, arriving late to Araby, not this "magical place" and eventually realizing the trip had been in vain.He feels ashamed and ridiculed by his earlier inability to communicate with Mangan's sister. He notices how distracted by his anticipation of the bazaar he was," distracting him from serious school work."

The final words evoke a realization of reality, the feeling of disappointment we are all so family with. Part of growing up is letdowns, and that first eye opening hurts, it burns with anger and anguish, but it is necessary. It awakens us up from fantasy and takes us deeper into reality. 

How is A&P a story of our lives

As young adults, I think A&P is an extremely relatable story. It brings forth the consequences of sudden decisions, the effects of standing up for something we feel strong about, the search for a better future and the desires deep within out mind. As Sammy quits his job, whether to impress "Queenie" or he couldn't take the manage being so unfair, he has to deal with the consequences. As he says in the story " the worst part" of the day was quitting, he now hows to deal with not having an income, with quitting his only job. I personally had to make this decision, the day I quit my job, and it was hard to deal with the consequences, although it felt good at the time to quit, the impact it had in my life was quite colossal. Like Sammy, I made a decision, but I no longer had an income, no longer had a job. A&P is a also a story about not conforming. Something we do every time we speak up, everytime we go against the norm. Sammy didn't want to summit to the manager wishes to kick the girls out. He didn't agree, he stood up for his opinions and quit.This rebellion is typical of young people, we go off on our emotions, we at times refuse to conform and disagree with authority.
As the story explores, Sammy is attracted to one of the girls that walks into the store, " Queenie" he describes her body and fantasizes about her. As humans we are subject to this desire, these thoughts deep in our minds that reflect our attraction to someone, our fantasies. A&P explores youth, it explores the consequences of decisions, the defiant nature of young adults and our fantasies and desires for the future.

make a wish

Days like today have me in a great mood. Although I'm not superstitious  at all, or into any kind of numerology, hearing 11/11/11 just forces me to be wishful.As a teenage girl, making a wish on 11:11  was a special thing. To be holding hands on a date and hearing " Its 11:12, I guess my wish came true" definitely  made 11:11 special. However, knowing nothing about numbers, their meaning or connotations I always believed the number 11 haunted me. For 11 years I lived in front of 7-11 , apartment number a-11.I would wake up at different times each day, but always at something 11, 5:11, 6:11, 7:11, and so on. Somehow I would always check the time and it was 11. I have 11 letters on my name, and My day of birth 0-1-2-8 add up to eleven. For some reason I always looked for the number, eleven was just always around, whatever that means. So on a day like today, I want the number "11" to know that I've noticed it, and that I will be waiting for my wish.

Difference between A&P in 1961 and 2011

The story of A & P by John Updike was first published in the New York on 1961, it is one of the Updike's most popular short stories and one I actually really enjoyed reading. The story takes place in a Boston A&P, a northeaster supermarket very popular in the 1960's and still around today. Sammy, the narrator is a young boy working at A& P but with hopes for a better future. When reading this story I found it difficult to find myself at a 1960's A&P, I was born in 1994, and haven't ever really researched supermarkets of the 1960's. However I can picture A&P in a more modern setting. Having no A&P in Miami I would set it place at perhaps Milams, a small super market in the small suburb of Miami Springs.Sammy would be the guy on register, perhaps listening to his iPod and praying time flashes by.Miami springs is a town close to the beach but not nearly close enough to have girls in bikinis.I think as soon as the three girls would walk in, the people first impression would be how unsanitary of them to walk around barefooted. A&P doesn't go into these mindless details, since its an ironic story about desire and about rebellion. Yet I think if it was set in 2011 it would. Still, I don't think the bathing suit wearing girls would cause as much commotion as they did in A&P. I believe the 1960's were  a bit more conservative than us in 2011. I think being barefoot would cause a bigger scene than the bathing suit tops. Nonetheless it would be frowned to walk around in two piece bathing suits no where near the beach. Another difference between an A&P set now and the original is that Sammy wouldn't have been manually inserting the prices into the register but rather scanning them with our modern technology. Perhaps this wouldn't have made Sammy angry at the beginning of the story from messing up.

How to Date a Browngirl, Blackgirl, Whitegirl, or Halfie

The tone on Junot Diaz "How to Date a Browngirl, Blackgirl,Whitegirl or Halfie is  quite informal. The narrator ofthe short story is almost writing a letter to the young man. It is a monologue to a person the narrator is quite comfortable with. The vocabulary is very conversational, one that could be heard between two New Yorkers, two relatives. Junot Diaz narrator is giving advice to the young man, what to expect and how to act when exploring the world of sexuality, and how different girls should be treated different ways. It tells of the bewildering jungle that is adolescent, dating from other races, the never ending attempt to impress girls, to seduce girls, not knowing how far is to far, and how we always have disappointments.The story brings to light many of the common stereotypes of girls. These stereotypes affect the way he treats these girls because of the preconcieved notions that he has about them. He already has ideas in his head about how they act and what they will do in certain situations. He   puts on a front in order to get what he wants from these girls, he is trying to impress these girls but can't forget to " put away the government cheese" at the end.